the creativity of my thought

I have been reading Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" these days, havent finished it yet but love it like anything. I have been able to relate to the characters so much that it has made me look at what i want and why i want. the character of Hank Rearden makes me see myself in a different light altogether...the passion to produce for him, the importance of his work, and the drive to keep going on thru the thick of things is something i have come to admire...
 
i could see why i am so passionate about my work, why i am not emotional about things, why i want to keep working and creating...he represents me and how i am...not being able to understand what is going on around him...he is recognises that he is missing something...doesnt understand how the world is functioning....i dont know how things with change but till now he has started to see few things...like about the looters wanting to get an appreciation from what they are doing from him...then the category of people who are producers, users and looters....
 
i love my work...i love my thought..thats what keeps me going that what i want to do...keep my thought going via developing solutions...my thought and ideas are the mills producing steel and metal for hank...i seek and get a sense of accomplishment making them work and reach greater heights....that what i work for...i hate to see my potential getting waste...i hate to be idle and not working on something...i dont like if i am not able to work and keep creating...
 
i regard myself as a producer...producer of solutions...pushing myself to create them...i also face the same irony where there isnt people around me who can really regard me or see me like this...they are talk about emotions, vanity, love and respect...i do have that but not for people...
 
i think thats why i love reading such books because i find characters i dont find in real life...whom i can relate to...acknowledge and share their achievements...live my life thru them in some ways...but is real life lead like books...
 
no i guess not, thats what i have to come to terms with...if there are producers there will always be looters...one cannot avoid them, but then dont know how to deal with them...i try to deal with them but i dont know if i will achieve what i seek....one has to find ways to keep them in their place...minimize the damage...i dont know if i will find answers...lets wait to finish the book...
 
 

been busy

havent been able been able to blog for quite some time...actually the things got quite demotivated and work had to be finished...its tough when u dont feel like doing anything and there quite some work to finish and timelines to meet...

anyways, lets get to the interesting part...i manage to attend SAP Summit in Mumbai...it was quite an excellent sales and marketing event..organized very professionally....good to see SAP India puting up such a good show...lots of people attended it...most of the SAP presentations were about selling SAP software, but the most interesting sessions where the customer sessions where they presented their experiences with SAP. They elaborated what were their requirements, why did they chose SAP, how did they go about the implementation, what all they implemented, what all they need to do within the organization to adopt to SAP software, what did they benefit and finally what did they learn.

it was interesting to see them echo something i always believed, businesses need to look at software as an enabler, so they should first be clear on their business objectives and realize that they need to change to adopt to the changing environment. once they do that they can look at software to help them become more versatile, flexible and efficient...but they cant think that buying software would solve all their problems...another interesting aspect was how all of these companies adopted a change management strategies...everyone from private to public sector companies realized the concerns their employees may have and went about in a very employee friendly manner to make them get comfortable with it...success of a software implementation depends a lot on the people who finally are going to use and if they are not convinced about it, company will not benefit. Moreover having policies in place and involvement of senior management only helps to reteriate the commitment of the company towards employees and efficient management....


once back to my real life i had to struggle with pending work...still trying to complete it on time...but still in this i manage to watch an interesting play...some found it ordinary some found it too pseudo...but it made me reflect on one critical aspect...the play was about a guy who is software professional and a girl who is call center executive...how they are going about their daily life...what is their life like...both of them have one common thread...the girl's bf is guy's room mate...the set of the play was simple with just a box made as a sitting...they used video screen in the background to providing the settting for the play...

i could really relate to a lot of incidents in the guy's life...like not seeing ur room mate for days...just talking on phone to him even though staying in the same house...innundated with calls from people selling anything and everything...staying up late in office and being alone on the entire floor...these are some of the things made me reflect on my past...something i hardly do these days...getting back to the play...the twist happens when this guy who is link between the 2 dies....both of the come together and meet...then another twist happens when the guy is without work and girl is fired...so they have nothing to do and only each other go give company...they never had such free time and hence dont know what to do with it...they get more comfortable with each and fall in love...and thats when the play ends...

offcourse i forgot to mention about profanity used during the entire duration of the play, some of the people found that a little too much saying that they dont know if people spoke like that...but then didnt we use these when we were in college and even when we started working...we seem to think when we are little older and things dont happen a particular way but it may exactly they way people talk today...it would have been interesting to get a perspective from someone younger...

its a simple story nothing great...the guy was good...and girl was good looking but ok...but what was good to for me to see some shades of my past inacted infront of me...in one scene the guy is all alone on the whole floor of his office and screams that he wants to be free....thats is a scene that has been with since then...today i am obsessed with my freedom, may be this is because of my past being like that guy depicted...may be thats where this desire for freedom comes from...offcourse this may not be the only reason...but i know atleast one reason for it...

its quite amazing how work influences our personal thoughts and belief...hence more reason to work in a place where u can enjoy and grow positively...i realised another thing today...its more of a question....

"why is that i measure myself with something i am not doing or i am not able to do and not with things i am doing and i am able to do"

is it true for everyone around me? dont know but one has to stay positive its the only way one could stay happy...

Leaders...

leaders are not born but made...all around us we see people working around in teams...but what makes the difference are the leaders, managers, coaches and captains which make them work...

LA Lakers lost...thats made me philosophical, they didnt loose because of they played badly but they were outplayed by a better team...Detroit Pistons...Pistons dont have stars but they have hard working individuals...who work together really well...if Billups was unable to take shots then Hamilton was there, and if they both were lying low then Rasheed came up to take charge...and Ben the effervacent Wallace...he was every where...its a triumph of team, hardwork and leadership over stars and luck...

question may arise wats it got to do with leadership...but thats the point. Sport teams always represent real life scenario in a ways and forms one cannot any where and are able to show us how to break free of them. In case of Detroit, they were the underdogs, but coach Larry Brown was able to instill a level of confidence in them, make them believe that they can do it. Offcourse make them feel secure where they were and make them realise why they were there.

Irfan Pathan made a statement about Ganguly today, "he made me feel so secure". This security so very important that make people go lot of distance once they get it. Our india cricket team performance is attribute a lot to Ganguly cause of the confidence he could instill in all the young guys. But is security and confidence the only reasons for success?

Not necessary, but yes they are definitely one of the key ingredients....but how does that relate to my day to day work. Thats where the team comes in, every one in a team has aspirations, goals and insecurities. A managers job would be understand them and try to strike a balance between what the individuals are and wat the team requires, but as a leader you have to go one step ahead and provide the vision and goal to the team. The goal shouldnt be handed but understood and appreciated by one and all. If the leader is able to rise above being a manager and accept his responsibilities then he would be able to lead the team to great hieghts like never before. Each individual would able to meet his aspirations along with meeting the teams goals.

Striking that balance is hard, but achieving it will bring utmost success.

I did it...

YES I DID IT FINALLY....

started going to the gym...it happened last week on a cloudy tuesday evening. i had brought in a set a clothes with me...so there was ample indication its going to happen today...i came out of my cubicle the bread and butter of my life, and went out...took a short stroll and then i was there, standing in front of the door way to the future of my physical fitness...the door to my gym...

i started out with cycling for 5 minutes...man it was tough doing it after so long...the instructor is very enthuiastic guy...keeps pushing and erging to go on...keeps saying "good for u bad for others" couldnt understand it but still went on with it...then after some warm up exercise did cross trainer (sort of a stepper) for 5 minutes...after that treadmill for 10 minutes...and finally some abdomen exercise...my first day at the gym was over...not bad considering i was coming back after 2 years....

next 2 days were the toughest...it doesnt hurt first day...but really starts hurting the second day onwards...that day i realised...its never to difficult to start something or take the first step...its the second and the third steps that are toughest...i felt my whole body ache on next 2 days...but i still went to the gym...kept going back...the fourth day that was friday was the better...i had increased my times on the 3 machines....and was able to come out feeling better after one hour and 15 minutes of exercise....

friday evening went out with friends to a pub...was not much crowded though but that left the whole dance floor for us and we really had a great time...after gym, 2 hours of dance didnt feel like anything at all....came back 1:30 in the night...

saturday i had to attend a tech event by Sun...got up in the morning 7:30 in the morning, and some how manage to reach on time...there were series of sessions some were ok, but a few ones were good...had nice looking girls coordinating things around there...somehow i have lost that touch with girls i feel...had it been few years back i would have made contact...even got there no's and talked to them on phone by now...but i just could get to make the first move...one of them even tried to get something going but i was too tongue tied...i just shook my head thinking over it later...

dont know why i didnt make my move...havent done it lately...one has to be instinctive in these things and some how i feel i am loosing that instinct of striking a conversation from no where...

anyways...back to the gym on monday..this time it wasnt difficult but i am pushing myself harder...its getting better by each passing day and i am really enjoying it now...guess where i reached with the 3 machines...now i am doing 14 minutes of cycling, 12 minutes of cross trainer and 20 minutes of treadmill...i am able to burn around 250 kcal everyday....

hope i am to keep up the momentum...

Dreams...

Dreams...

such a fulfilling concept...i am sure all of dream about things in life...they vary in degrees, serious and intent...some are more of fantasies...things we wish we could do...but then there are actual dreams...things we aspire...

some quoted a question once, whats the difference between aspirations and aim...to me aspirations form the dreams we have...aim is when these dreams and aspirations actually get concretised...this Concretisation of a dream into a definite aim is not an easy process...

for some it takes less time then others and there are others which never really achieve it in their life time...this is one of the fears i have....not being able to realise what i dream for....so what should i do for it...thinking over it i came to an analogy...

dreams are like ocean waves. They are free within the ocean and unafraid of its size. They are untouched and unruly and at the same time untamed and passionate. They go up and down...never stoping and never ending...just there in the vast ocean...trying to reach somewhere...no one knows where they start and where they end...but they keep moving...

These waves give ocean a life...they make the journey through the ocean interesting, captivating and enthralling...after all who would like to sail in a dead sea...the challenge for the sailer is nothing but these very waves which could even bring his or her downfall but then harnessing, taming and finally riding them would give him the ultimate satisfaction and the ultimate achievement...

Ocean waves actually hit the reality in the form of sea shore...the rocks on the sea shore are like society, environment, system anything and everything that is static...for the wave they are static...they dont move and dont go anywhere...they are just there to give the ocean its form and shape...

if i think in this way, i realized...dreams like waves have to strike on the rocks to give them shapes...and change themselves too in the process...if they dont change and hit the rock in the same way they would make in roads into the rocks but would be able to shape them....

thats what i see we also have to do...make ours dreams strike the our day to day life...make them conflict with our work, our relationships and our environment, if we start doing then gradually the dreams would become more realistic...similar to the waves the dreams would also undergo a change in order to give shape to life, to our environment and to our society....so when u test them with realty the dreams would strike a balance and offcourse raise the bar for u as a person but a realistic raise...moreover it would make it easy to define the aim out of the dream...so the aspiration would become aim and once it becomes an aim it would definitely be achievable....

thats i guess would be way to achieve one's dreams...not sure how much makes sense...i myself have to do it to get them into a realistic form...

Faith (cont'd)

but one may ask what i mean when i say...Faith about what...here is list of things i believe consitute the actual faith...

1. Faith on one's own self: This is one of most important faith one should develop in one's life. i for believe strongly on this faith. It would be this faith that would stand till the end and help you when there no other faith to look at. This is not an easy thing, but if one really believes in one's self then there isnt anything that should faze that person. its difficult but its the most cherished and revered of all faiths. I try and but still i would i have reached the level where i can say that i am eternal optimist..but still i keep trying to build on it...and make it stronger day by day...some people say that i am lucky to think like this as it definitely makes like easier to live by but then i tell them that i am not lucky...i have to work hard every day to be like this...now its not a big struggle but still i have keep my motivations level high enough to remind myself about it...

2. Faith on one's loved ones: This is another aspect of faith as its based on love. love to me is one of most beautiful feelings to experience, but off course after a certain age one cannot experience it easily. It takes time and effort, and if some is puting in that time and effort for me as a person then i must say they have faith on me in some ways. This is a faith that is not some thing we decided but others decided to bestow upon us. we offcourse gave a similar feeling to other one, but we intern got faith that there are people who love me for what i am. This itself is a beautiful feeling i would say to have and enjoy. Offcourse people may differ here to me but there is thing that i would explain in the end.

3. Faith on one's friends: First there is big set of people who are my so called friends. They are one's i go out with, work with, and may be spend some of my time with. But I still fit them in to the Others category. For me the rule is simple Me, Myself and Others, the people around me move from others to Myself category when i start caring about them. The Myself category people are ones i like or love and would do anything keep our relationship going. These are the people i think about and give my quality time too also. In Myself i have the loved ones and then those few actual friends. These are the friends with whom i share my life with. They are ones whenever i meet them i always feel that i been with them. they dont complain even if i am not in touch with them. we meet, share and have good time together. To me such friends should give you a sense of faith being endorsed on them by you and offcourse by them too.

4. Faith on God: Last but not the least, this the one eternal faith i guess everyone's has to warying degrees.

actually warying degree makes me wonder, every one of us divide the faith among the four components...not one is perfect but the combination of all of them to different degrees should give one the courage and strength to be able to handle and go through the tough times.

Faith...

this is something i realised while having a discussion last night...

faith...in times when we are in doubt and full of problems, we actually have to go through them as experiences. But there is one thing that keeps us going and keeps us motivated to continue is FAITH...

i always believed that what ever happens happens for good...so today one may say that his or her situation is full of problems but i believe and have experienced myself also that these problems or situations are there to tell us something...make us learn...make us grow as a person...we should try to make most of them...and move forward...in the end once all of its over one could look back really see that all those experiences have been good for one...

for me its definitely happened that there were times when my career and life were really in doldrums...and there seemed no way forward...but i went through it...learnt about people who are really my friends and who are there for being there...learnt about being practical and what can be done and should be done...so as hindsight i believe that was a learning experience for me...

but the problem is this wisdom still does not help me when i am in the thick of things..when u are stuck u are stuck...its that simple...wat ever u may believe and know can help but u need something else to really fight it out...

To me that is where Faith steps it...Faith is the one that should give one the strength and endurance to stand through test of times...should give one the belief that things will be different one day...should motivate and give hope for a better tomorrow one day...

Freedom...

the sense of being free. One thing i realized in past few years that one neednt move away from everything in search of complete freedom. Freedom is something thats within each one of us.

Lets see the dictionary meaning of freedom:

freedom n. The condition of being free of restraints.

there have been times when people wanted to seek freedom via renunciation of our daily responsibilities and moving away from it. this way they preached one will be free of restraints and free to do one wants to do. there will not be any bonds, constraints, restraints and without living the life as the society wants them to be.

but thats where i choose to differ. for me freedom is a state of mind. one can be among all the responsibilities, presures and constraints and still feel free. Freedom is to be among your so called societically acceptable life and still choose and do what u want to do and know that you are doing it. Thats what i would say is the one of ultimate state to attain. the power to choice and an understanding about ur decisions actually helps you move towards it.

like today i feel ok, i am stuck at this position but its after my choice that i am exercising. it terms of my life and career i have to ultimately decide what i want to do and where i want to see my self as. One thing is for sure i want reach the highest level of creative satisfaction i could get out of my work and life. thats what i look for.

If thats the case i guess i have to make most of all the opportunities that would take me towards that. all those irrespective if the come in my current position or in my current way of life, if i am moving towards it its fine. Then all the talk about stuck up and not going anywhere doesnt make sense. I am not going anywhere could be in the sense as society and the world sees me, but i am definitely moving towards my goals. thats what matters in the end.

I AM FREE

and honestly it feels amazing...

destiny...

i always tell myself, you would get what u deserve...but since this is not an idealistic world one has to fight it out...so destiny is something that is there but one will never reach it unless you really push one self to it.

but thats what brings in the thought and wonder....what is that i deserve...one can say money, fame and riches of the world...but is that what i want to strive for...i always believe being in the position i am that these things will come one way or another...the degree may wary. but how much does one need for a good living...there will be and cannot be an end to that...i want to avoid that trap...

if i look around i am success is measured by these parameters in society...so in order to be successful one ought to have these and to have them in as much more degree as possible...i personally dont endorse this view....then what to me would define my being successful...

i guess u really live life on ur own terms you ought to define ur own benchmarks and measure urself on them...no point trying to reach or strife for society benchmarks as they would not give that level of satisfaction to me as a person...

hmm, lets see...

a comfortable personal life where i am able to fulfill my responsibilities to a good degree...and able to achieve that i want to achieve in life...yes thats it...so that would my goals and benchmarks...all my life i would personally measure myself on them and see if i am reaching them or not....

in general the "going no where" has left me now...it does comes back once in a while, but i have spring in my step, to reach and achieve things on my own terms...in any case it never bothered to me what others thought of me...so why now and why for my own achievements....

why should i listen when i know...
knowing is bliss, but doing is tough
you go up and you go down,
but still one has to keep going on
what i do is what i want to do
forget the society and its people
u are one of them and be among them
dont follow but lead
lead ones way to eternity
set ur benchmarks and measure urself
let not then go down one's self
keep going on, and keep going on
u would get the happiness, the true happiness
success would follow in all its likeness

Confused..

i really dont know what i am doing here...past few days have been really dull and boring. the atmosphere and the surroundings are depressing. somehow i dont want to work hard any longer here. just get the feeling at the effort if waste.

but i have to move on and for that i have to work hard. focus is all that i can tell myself now, but the more i try to focus the more the environment and people get to me. seeing them just reminds me the control they are exercising over my career and life without being any compentency to do so.

i always told myself i am what i am because i have worked for it. now today some how the feeling fails to motivate me. self motivation can work but for how long i am finding out now. for last few years its just based on self motivation that i have worked here. i am really really finding it difficult to continue.

destiny is what i make of myself, thats what i used to believe and thats what i want to believe now. but somehow i am not getting the passion and vigour that such a thought used to invoke in me. am i getting tired of life, or life is getting better of me. dont know have to really push myself to come out and hit back. dont have the patience and energy to do that.

i think i have to pray....i am looking for passion and motivation...i have move on...i got to move on...even if it requires doing the routine work that is way below my expectations for myself...but i ought to look at it as the stepping stone to something big...its just the struggle or the path...i have chosen this and hence have to bear with it also...thats it...thats what i wanted to hear...i have chosen it

i have to get out of this mess fast....lets see if life throws up some surprise...i will wait for it...till then...its me and my struggle...

dreams as they are...

i am stuck...stuck in a job that gives me satisfaction in terms of work i am doing...but the whole environment just doesnt feel right any more...


money was never a problem, position was not an issue...i always strived for growth. i always told myself if i am growing nothing else matters. i worked worked and worked, got some recognistion, got good visibility, but then today i have reached a level where i dont see much future ahead.

dreams for my future...all that seem a little to far right now. dont know where i am heading to. why is it that life at the end of the day have to be meaningful, i ask myself now a days. i used to believe finding meaning of life, ones own life would make it more enjoyable, satisfying and gratifying. i am today way to calm about my whole surroundings because of that. but then i have to strive a lot to keep it that way, be aware and try continously to stay like that.


then u see people are around living as they are and incompetent, grossly over rated and still recogized by society as successful. i guess thats where i have to choose. be part of the system, be dumb about it and not question, flow by it reach a level of recognisition or keep questioning and doing what u feel is right and not bother about whats happening around.


the first seem easy and manageble as the problems that bother u are not ur future and ur potential and what u want to do but simpler onces like daily chores in the household to the next status report for the project meeting. these problems now seem too simplified to me, but to a lot others their whole life goes in trying to solve them and attain a level of satisfaction from them.


why am i not that simple enough...i wish...



but then the second choice makes life much more calmer and relaxed place actually. today i am way to relaxed about smaller things like deadlines and project reports, household bills and those things has to be do to maintain the lifestyle. but then i go into these bouts of disenchantment because the things that bother me are my dreams, my potential, my future and my growth.


they are too difficult to comprehend and understand while solving them comes next. thats what is troubling me these days, i tried to write down what i want to do really. Actually speaking those are the dreams if done would help attain my level of potential, provide me the empetous to reach a state where when i close my eyes and think about them i feel satisfied.

i guess thats the challenge and thats the reward...

time to write again...

have to take some days off now...its been a long time and work really gets to nerve at times...i talk about the routiness but its something not just in work....

let me just list down 5 things i want to do...

1 Start my own company - this is something i questioned quite a lot about...after all why do i want to do this...just to satisfy the creativity of my thought came the reply...oh in that case be careful my mind told my heart...as Amitabh once said so well...creative people should only concentrate on creative aspects and leave the rest to professionals...thats what i would do one day...

2 Write a book - i am not sure if i am good writer or not but will definitely try a hand at it...its such a powerful medium....

3 Read all my stack of books - i am an impulsive buyer of books but a slow reader of them...

4 Bungee Jumping - Wasnt in town when it happened bangalore...wouldnt have missed it for a thing...will do it next time...

5 Go to gym regularily - want to do this for a long time...its been off and on...i love my jog on the tread mill...its so peaceful...i am with myself...will definitely try to that regularily...

i feel if i have written it down now...anything else that happens around me should not really effect me...should it? as its not on my list...well over a period of time i would review this list and add few items or remove some...but i would try to remind myself on this...

the individual....

is it really true that there is no such thing as individual in our way of life...

oh no not again..some one may say...but thats wat i tell such people...how many ask themselves this question...try it urself...

Why do i do what i do?

well when i think of these 7 words i just dont know where to start and where to end...do i really know this...but then why do i want to know this...whats the problem with my life that i have think such imaginary things and try to find meaning in everything i am doing...

but thats where i question...if you dont know what u are doing..then why are u doing it...why?

atleast one should think on this...the thought would make u see things in a different way...today i am much more calm and serene and feel much in control...not because i know the answer but because i do live to a certain degree on my own choices....

this itself brings such a peace in me...makes me at ease with my surroundings...thats what i guess is the esense of being an individual...i have not left my job or my relationships...i still go to office every day and work with people....i still live in a way bound by obligations and relations and commitments...

but if u ask me i would still say i am free some where inside me...thats what is the challenge and thats what is the reward...being amidst the every day life and still smile about it...able to see it from the higher ground or from the 3rd person account really makes u see what u are doing...once u are able to do it then i guess its easier for one to look at urself and ask what does this one want...

i may rant about the whole thing about the individual and its way of life...but we still have to meet the societical commitments somewhere...thats where the whole crux actually is...being part and yet being out of it...being involved and yet being unemotional...

i try...i try..hope to reach a balance and make others see it also...

Destiny...

is it really true..what i do today and tomorrow gets decided somewhere else...

this is something i really find it hard to come to terms with...i used to feel that all my life things seems to just happen to me...and i just happen to be there and hence i ended being a engineering...i happen to be there so i ended being a software guy in bangalore (another one of those guys)...but then what about the times i decided to work and not study..did that not make sense that its was my decision and my choice...

well thats what i guess i have come to realize...its something i tell myself...and try to follow so wouldnt say have been following it..as said try to follow..life is meant to be lead by choices, choices that are sometimes seem to be ones own...but i look back at those so called choices and question...was it really what i wanted to do at that time...hind sight i guess...but truely the way things work in our society and environment i dont think we really make own choices...

when i look back now i really see that there isnt much i had really decided or choosen for my self..everything seem to follow...everything seems guided and told...what else do u want was the question always if i want to rebel...isnt how one should be leading one's life i was told...

but then being alone makes u realize somethings amiss..thats what actually hit me couple of years back...

that was i guess one of the turning points for me..i realized that there wasnt any thing which i wanted for myself....desiring things for oneself and providing satisfaction for myself the lone individual that i was...wasnt something i was taught to do...being selfish is not a greatest of the virtues i was told...but being individual is not same as being selfish...by being individualistic you are just loving urself also as you love some one else...you do things which u as an individual would like to do...and hence make urself take consious choices...its very difficult not easy in the begining but very intoxicating...

now i do things that i want to do..not because the environment or the society or the people around me want me to do...i am not being selfish in this i tell them i am being myself...

so was this my destiny then...thats where i see the conflict coming in as its not always that u make these consious choices...

but then even if i dont if there is destiny or not...i do live by own laws...laws that i as the individual formed for my happiness not fun...so in that way some day i will be able to tell myself i defined my own destiny....

looking up...

live has its own way of telling u that keep going on...there still more to me then what u think u know...
i am not sure if i am making sense here...but if its really like this then living and learning from life itself would be a journey worth pursuing and enjoyable too...

i have to ask myself then that am i really doing that...work is there...passion for work too...but is that everything...ok reading is also there...books like genome and freedom make u think out of ur day to day life but even then....off course travelling...this also opens u up in newer ways u may not know...like visiting rome last weekend...its an amazing feeling to see the remnicent of the great roman empire...its must have been magnificent, grandour...and now its all gone and in rubles...

thats life i guess...u could live in many ways...but broadly i think they actually come in three categories...one where u live within the circumstances...not even thinking about...just living seeking happiness in unrealistic things and not getting any...or being happy about things that dont matter that much...just live as the life is leading u...just go by the stream as they say...

second would be the ones who actually start thinking...questioning the age old wisdoms and trying not to follow the rule...they fight, struggle and try not to...here is what the difference sets in between the individuals...some really take the bull by the horns as they say...and move on to the third stage while others keep fighting the circumstances and surroundings and not being able to break the shackles...i think i am that this stage right now...trying...trying...not sure if i have reached somewhere or being out of it...but still i keep trying...i hope one day i will break out...

then i question my this so called wisdom and realize the third stage...when u get over this whole thing of trying to break off...there is no breaking off...there is no such thing as ultimate freedom...freedom is nothing but a state of mind...if you are free in your mind then circumstances and surroundings dont matter...if i am able to live in between the whole life and still be free in sense of thought and mind then i would have really transcended from my second stage to the third stage...

its seems too complicate to me at time...but then i have a tendency to complicate things...dont i...
may be its not that complicated at all...i say to myself now and then...keep living and keep learning...life would lead u to where u should be...

the routineness called life

haven't written in a long time...some how work gets onto me with so much force that it takes me some time rebound and do things i want to really do...but isnt work also part of things i want to do...

anyways...working in an IT company has its advantages and disadvantages...no fixed working hours...nice working env....young people around you...but then you can end up slogging a lot at times...


i really dont know where to take my blog...keep puting down what i am doing as most bloggers do...or just dont bother about whats my daily life but put down what i am thinking...

i think i will stick to my thoughts then my life...in any case i am living it...dont need to put that down to remind myself what my day was like...but puting down my thoughts would make it easier for me to read and think over....



these days i am struggling with routineness of life...its hard to get stuck with one where things are predictable and you are doing what u are suppose to do...having events happening around you with not much you can do about them...some how i hate being in these situations...its just not me to be not in control...

control...well thats a myth i tell myself always...its not something one can get in a life time...i strive for being in control of what i do and i subject myself to...but then life is not to be lead in controls but with instinct...this thought reminded me of the movie i saw couple of years back...'instinct'...it was about something similar...



then i tell myself this strive for control actually pushes ur instincts to the limit and then you are able to think about what u are doing and move forward...which in a way is good so even if i dont reach the level of control i want...i become more aware of my life and way its going and where i can make a difference...

What i am doing here...

long time....havent had time to put down what i have been going through....been checking out some of the blogs...interesting people out there...

i must say, people are putting there lives, thoughts out on the public space...looking for something...dont know if they are getting what they are looking for but yes its almost like keeping a diary and making it public for people to read...offcourse no ones knows who u really are...


i could see one big advantage of doing all this...u put down ur life and read it urself, it should definitely give u a different perspective of ur own life...should open u up for new ways and thoughts...

but is this really true? are all the bloggers really getting a better perspective on their lifes or is it just for fun?

i may sound like i question everything, but then there ought be a meaning...a sense of belonging and a sense of knowing what one wants and what one wants to do...a blog to me is just a path that may lead u there....i think i need to talk to some serious bloggers to know better...

there is something what i remind myself everyday...let me close today day with that thought...i read it in '1984' by George Orwell.

'Sanity is not Statistical'

think over it....

day 2: what seems like eternity...

life is full of choices...
what u get is what u choose...
thats important to understand.

u get this when u think...
ask questions even when u feel...
but then people say why not have fun...
fun is temporary i say, it comes and goes..
gives you moments but not happiness..
happiness is permanent...
then one may say seek happiness not fun...

happiness is something no one can seek...
fun is something no one can control, it just happens.
one ought to get a meaning, a way and a passion..
its these that will give happiness a long last one too..

life will go one..its meant to be like that...
but i say dont do what one is suppose to do..
do what one wants to do, make that choice everyday...
to come to this one needs to think..
without thought, there cant be choice
and without choice there cant be life...

its all in the mind thats what i believe...
if you think you can then you surely can...
so bring out your dreams and think...
its never to late to start so do it then...

well this is my first one....

dont know where to start...
its feels like i should dream...
dream about the way i should be...
or dream about the way my world would be.

one has to be a realist thats true..
after all its a world full of pessimist..
realists are hard to find...

people live life as they are supposed to..
wat if i ask why do you live then...
i am not sure how many ask this as a question..
there is one who does it every day...
and there is one whom does even know what to ask...
but who is better...

i tell myself that you think...you dream...you ask urself why..wat for..
but these are the questions there is no straight forward answer...
then why do i ask...
again a why?

yet i think...hopefully one day i will be enlightened...
solace is a myth one may never attain...
but i keep striving dream and be a realist i tell myself...
anyways...to much sometimes makes me wonder...
after all life is like this only...
can one really control it then...