dreams as they are...

i am stuck...stuck in a job that gives me satisfaction in terms of work i am doing...but the whole environment just doesnt feel right any more...


money was never a problem, position was not an issue...i always strived for growth. i always told myself if i am growing nothing else matters. i worked worked and worked, got some recognistion, got good visibility, but then today i have reached a level where i dont see much future ahead.

dreams for my future...all that seem a little to far right now. dont know where i am heading to. why is it that life at the end of the day have to be meaningful, i ask myself now a days. i used to believe finding meaning of life, ones own life would make it more enjoyable, satisfying and gratifying. i am today way to calm about my whole surroundings because of that. but then i have to strive a lot to keep it that way, be aware and try continously to stay like that.


then u see people are around living as they are and incompetent, grossly over rated and still recogized by society as successful. i guess thats where i have to choose. be part of the system, be dumb about it and not question, flow by it reach a level of recognisition or keep questioning and doing what u feel is right and not bother about whats happening around.


the first seem easy and manageble as the problems that bother u are not ur future and ur potential and what u want to do but simpler onces like daily chores in the household to the next status report for the project meeting. these problems now seem too simplified to me, but to a lot others their whole life goes in trying to solve them and attain a level of satisfaction from them.


why am i not that simple enough...i wish...



but then the second choice makes life much more calmer and relaxed place actually. today i am way to relaxed about smaller things like deadlines and project reports, household bills and those things has to be do to maintain the lifestyle. but then i go into these bouts of disenchantment because the things that bother me are my dreams, my potential, my future and my growth.


they are too difficult to comprehend and understand while solving them comes next. thats what is troubling me these days, i tried to write down what i want to do really. Actually speaking those are the dreams if done would help attain my level of potential, provide me the empetous to reach a state where when i close my eyes and think about them i feel satisfied.

i guess thats the challenge and thats the reward...