sometimes...

there are a lot of times i always miss and seek what i have lost. i also wrote philosophically, about not knowing what one's lost till one find's it again. Ok, my good friend at office will say re-activate, one never actually losses thoughts or way of life.

but today i feel strongly as well about feeling good about what you have, being grateful and appreciating life is really not that bad after all. sometimes, you have to lose something to realize you actually had it in the first place.

So that squares of the logic in this whole argument. One side one does not appreciate what one has until it is not there anymore, while on the other side you end up finding something you lost which you never appreciated when you had it.

sounds convulated and confusing...but does that mean you can never really have it all anytime. no just that feel things in your heart and then let them pass through. Holding on to emotions, can cloud everything.

stories about people's life can make one reflect on one's own. thats the reason i want to write a book, make people think and reflect and may be in the process become happy about life!

its not about who you are and....ok this is going a little too far. am i watching too many hollywood mushy movies....do i sound like one §!$ :-)

did u know blogger had a way for me to write in hindi! SO COOL!!!!!

it works like this: i type "aap" and blogger will make it "आप" WAY TOO COOL!
मैं नही जनता पर मैं अपने परिवार से बहुत बहुत प्यार करता हूँ। मैं उन्हें बहुत याद करता हूँ।

Technology never ceases to amaze me.

life, apple and universe...

i always wonder if there can be technological products that create a sense of excitement as one will use them. Make you feel as if the product is meant to be experienced in a certain way, so obvious and yet no one could think of it before.

for me, it started with iMac and now i even bought the iPhone, with it i became a lifelong member of apple. A friend of mine does not like products from Apple exactly because of this aspect and how people become passionate users. Using iPhone i forget that its a phone. For me it really is a mini computing device which i carry and on which i can also make phone calls. To me thats the power of design to turn inane everyday people going about their day-to-day life into passionate end-users or consumers as some will say.

On a different note, work is getting along, motivation needs to be generated rather then felt. will see if i can develop iPhone applications, need to sort out company policy and conflict of interest thingy before jumping.

i have to really think about starting a new blog on my tech experiences. this one is not really read by anyone, just my personal diary or random thoughts, feelings and emotions. The other day i was checking out the company developer network and saw the whole community based interaction. I need to get involved in this process, cannot just sit on the fence for long. time to jump in, otherwise i will never write.

I feel sad for Rene Bhawanker, he is smart, modern and a progressive indian. If i dont put down his story, i never will. Rene needs to get alive, otherwise I will just let him die, need to make notes i am forgetting things about him now.

what one wants is not known,
what one gets is so much so,
take it forward and take it far,
make it wonder and yet not roar.
what that it is never to be found,
truth is that life has to go on.
nudge and push is what i need,
serious, yet funny i have to be,
breathe, listen and feel,
jump into the water and let it be.

touched by apple

got our iMac today!

well i must say, it was a smooth setup (read as connect power cable and press the ON button) and it just worked!!! After having read about Apple and Mac for so long, finally i get to experience it.

I have been born to software in Windows, thats how i learnt it. Of course in my B.Tech it was all UNIX but finally when i started working at SAP its always been Windows. So after 9 years of officially working on windows, i decided to buy a home computer. Of course it had to be Apple and IT HAD TO BE iMAC.

So after waiting for 3 weeks for delivery, it arrived on 23rd May Friday morning. Infact i took my day off, just to get warmed up around it.

I also got printer from canon and backup hard-drive/wireless router Time Capsule. Setting all of them except the printer was smooth and great!

gotta go now...will share my first experiences later.






But something really stuck me as odd.

want - need, negation, fun-happiness

the title seem strange, but i had to write down my philosophy which i explained to PD.

I believe in life, there is always wants and needs. Wants are what your heart desires while needs are what your stomach demands. Sounds funny, read on.

Wants are obvious, you can get also with some effort and will give you the best fun ever. I would consider buying the newest gadget or watching the latest movie or shopping the best clothes or job in foreign country as our wants. They are somethings you will normally do, normally desire and strive for. Without them we dont feel happy, we feel irritated, feels as if something is missing in life. Strangely we end up running after them. They also come when time is right but leave us with a sense of a-miss. Sometimes they may even leave us empty, drained, exhausted and wondering. To say it strongly, we are drug-addicts of our wants. Really we are (!!!).

Just a question before we continue, we all feel the need to be appreciated, desired and wanted. Are these wants or needs?

Ok, Need is our inner desire, not obvious, never clear and will give you the happiness and calmness you never had before. It is very difficult to actually figure out what one needs. i for example dont know that yet. May be i need to feel loved or the need to create something that touches people. cant say.

Thats where theory of negation comes in. It helps you get right wants and needs. It can help you decide what you dont really need. It is important to know what you DONOT NEED. i dont need emotional attachments which i cannot handle. i dont need a lot money to make me satisfied. i dont need to be put on a pedestal and worshipped. I dont need to be great but a good human being. i dont need a big TV or a big car or a big house to feel like a king. Is this the difference between sex and love?

Anyways, the true fact of matter is a BALANCE of wants and needs. Dont miss out gaining wants at expense of ones needs and never give up looking for satisfaction of one's needs in attaining one's wants. One has to seek and strike the balance between them, wants are spontaneous while need are thought through. spontaneity is a must while enlightenment helps stay calm. One should not in search for needs, skip through the moments bring wants.

The reason for this balance, the need for BOTH fun and happiness in life.

Wants bring in fun, they are momentary but help one release the energy built up inside. One should make most of them but not loose sight and path. Remember that it is fun, enjoy it while it lasts, wont be for long and will leave you with a sense of unfruitfulness so move on. Move on !!!

Needs bring in happiness which is permanent, long lasting and self fulfilling. Such moments are few and far in between but when they happen one can reflect and feel nice about them for whole of their lives. Happiness will give one sense to rootness and in some ways discover life.
So for now, I AM FREE!!!!

back to where it all started from, this blog. :-)

It is good weather, time to go out and catch the sun till it lasts. Rest life goes on.

May you come, may you go
keep it going all along
keep the focus, yet enjoy
have fun but go on.
Born again, so cry,
Life is a journey, fly, fly, fly!!!!

something have changed...

There was a flutter, and then a movement, deep down. It started with a talk, then another and reflection. yes reflection, something which was lost was found again.

I have written things here which i could not relate anymore. I had become much calm, with a sense of purpose and belonging what i call the rootedness about life. That had come after my "matrix" moment when i was able to hold back and look at my life. I could think and differentiate my "wants" and my "needs". I seeked "happiness" but missed out on "fun". But i still had a sense to calmness inside.

Then it changed, it was not a sudden change. No pushed to the wall moment, no beaten to death event, no crashing of egos and no pain in the heart. It just happened, gradually, slowly and without me even knowing it.

Over years, that calmness had given way to agitation, frustration and a perennial sense of agitation. Nothing seemed right, never being at ease, commotion of emotions, un-surety of the next step and sense of uprootedness.

Today talking to PD, helping him out, touched some nerves, joined some chords and it started coming back. You never know what you have lost till you find it again.

Let me not reflect and try to describe how it came back. I can breathe now...really breathe...and it feels nice!!!!!

It felt as if i had not done that for years...taking a lot of air in and feeling it. you know that feeling of walking on air...thats what i feel now.

Some more metaphor and then close for the day....feels like i had entered the matrix again without knowing it, and now i am un-plugged.

i guess people really (!!!!) come in your life for some reason, at the right moment and at the right time, you just have to see and it make most of it.

Thanks PD for helping me out.