Confused..

i really dont know what i am doing here...past few days have been really dull and boring. the atmosphere and the surroundings are depressing. somehow i dont want to work hard any longer here. just get the feeling at the effort if waste.

but i have to move on and for that i have to work hard. focus is all that i can tell myself now, but the more i try to focus the more the environment and people get to me. seeing them just reminds me the control they are exercising over my career and life without being any compentency to do so.

i always told myself i am what i am because i have worked for it. now today some how the feeling fails to motivate me. self motivation can work but for how long i am finding out now. for last few years its just based on self motivation that i have worked here. i am really really finding it difficult to continue.

destiny is what i make of myself, thats what i used to believe and thats what i want to believe now. but somehow i am not getting the passion and vigour that such a thought used to invoke in me. am i getting tired of life, or life is getting better of me. dont know have to really push myself to come out and hit back. dont have the patience and energy to do that.

i think i have to pray....i am looking for passion and motivation...i have move on...i got to move on...even if it requires doing the routine work that is way below my expectations for myself...but i ought to look at it as the stepping stone to something big...its just the struggle or the path...i have chosen this and hence have to bear with it also...thats it...thats what i wanted to hear...i have chosen it

i have to get out of this mess fast....lets see if life throws up some surprise...i will wait for it...till then...its me and my struggle...