Destiny...

is it really true..what i do today and tomorrow gets decided somewhere else...

this is something i really find it hard to come to terms with...i used to feel that all my life things seems to just happen to me...and i just happen to be there and hence i ended being a engineering...i happen to be there so i ended being a software guy in bangalore (another one of those guys)...but then what about the times i decided to work and not study..did that not make sense that its was my decision and my choice...

well thats what i guess i have come to realize...its something i tell myself...and try to follow so wouldnt say have been following it..as said try to follow..life is meant to be lead by choices, choices that are sometimes seem to be ones own...but i look back at those so called choices and question...was it really what i wanted to do at that time...hind sight i guess...but truely the way things work in our society and environment i dont think we really make own choices...

when i look back now i really see that there isnt much i had really decided or choosen for my self..everything seem to follow...everything seems guided and told...what else do u want was the question always if i want to rebel...isnt how one should be leading one's life i was told...

but then being alone makes u realize somethings amiss..thats what actually hit me couple of years back...

that was i guess one of the turning points for me..i realized that there wasnt any thing which i wanted for myself....desiring things for oneself and providing satisfaction for myself the lone individual that i was...wasnt something i was taught to do...being selfish is not a greatest of the virtues i was told...but being individual is not same as being selfish...by being individualistic you are just loving urself also as you love some one else...you do things which u as an individual would like to do...and hence make urself take consious choices...its very difficult not easy in the begining but very intoxicating...

now i do things that i want to do..not because the environment or the society or the people around me want me to do...i am not being selfish in this i tell them i am being myself...

so was this my destiny then...thats where i see the conflict coming in as its not always that u make these consious choices...

but then even if i dont if there is destiny or not...i do live by own laws...laws that i as the individual formed for my happiness not fun...so in that way some day i will be able to tell myself i defined my own destiny....