intelligence

I was thinking about people who are considered intelligent and smart, end up in situations you would not expect from them. this led me to following:

"Intelligence is not about knowing what to do but about knowing when to stop"

think about it...

changing jobs at SAP

Wrote the following to inform my colleagues...

The advent of change clouded my thought a little and I ended up writing down these lines to express them.

---------------------------------------------------

Positions are temporary, Knowledge is timeless.

In my pursuit of learning, it was time to look ahead.

My journey at SAP continues,

leaving the shores of Technologie.

Challenges of On-demand beckon me,

architecting services on cloud to be.

Joy of working with all of you remains,

Shared experiences and the contact stays.

In corridors of SAP, we will meet again,

work together or sit down at Café.

Best of luck for all your endeavors,

See you again in engaging careers.

---------------------------------------------------

thought today morning....

Arbrieten, work or Kaam,

essay the seriousness it demands.

One may say they are just words,

but they give one a sense of purpose.

Is too much that I desire,

to be happy and higher.

Say the wise saint to me once,

live it each day like no one else.

Get a sense of purpose yet enjoy,

remember its act of labor that you aspire.

Labor for one's mind and for one's soul,

Keeps one away from rot and coal.

Oh thy Saint! what you said is true,

one sees the folly when in blue.

lets start living and breathing a like,

way to fulfill one's destiny then die.

After a while

The not visited life, gets looked at again,

Thoughts start flowing, making me tingle,

A new life begins, write, write and write.

I hope to write more this year. Tonight i am in a poetic mood writing in a rhyme. lets see what tomorrow brings. Stories are waiting to be shared, but for now i read Midnight's Children from Salman Rushdie.

I end with thoughts from tonight...

---------

To one who is an Angel, flying on her own,

Causing a flutter in my life.

Heart desires to make it's own,

Mind is too rational to understand at-all.

Holding and tying are rituals of life,

Make me forgot that angel's fly.

Desire a one, is to get a caged bird,

Let her go, soar n reach for heaven.

Oh Angel! create new stars and brighten others,

but when my time comes, grant me the feathers.

I will preserve them as one of my own,

for you are the true owner of your own soul.

No one can change that, not even me,

but let me share moments in life with thee.

--------

sometimes...

there are a lot of times i always miss and seek what i have lost. i also wrote philosophically, about not knowing what one's lost till one find's it again. Ok, my good friend at office will say re-activate, one never actually losses thoughts or way of life.

but today i feel strongly as well about feeling good about what you have, being grateful and appreciating life is really not that bad after all. sometimes, you have to lose something to realize you actually had it in the first place.

So that squares of the logic in this whole argument. One side one does not appreciate what one has until it is not there anymore, while on the other side you end up finding something you lost which you never appreciated when you had it.

sounds convulated and confusing...but does that mean you can never really have it all anytime. no just that feel things in your heart and then let them pass through. Holding on to emotions, can cloud everything.

stories about people's life can make one reflect on one's own. thats the reason i want to write a book, make people think and reflect and may be in the process become happy about life!

its not about who you are and....ok this is going a little too far. am i watching too many hollywood mushy movies....do i sound like one §!$ :-)

did u know blogger had a way for me to write in hindi! SO COOL!!!!!

it works like this: i type "aap" and blogger will make it "आप" WAY TOO COOL!
मैं नही जनता पर मैं अपने परिवार से बहुत बहुत प्यार करता हूँ। मैं उन्हें बहुत याद करता हूँ।

Technology never ceases to amaze me.

life, apple and universe...

i always wonder if there can be technological products that create a sense of excitement as one will use them. Make you feel as if the product is meant to be experienced in a certain way, so obvious and yet no one could think of it before.

for me, it started with iMac and now i even bought the iPhone, with it i became a lifelong member of apple. A friend of mine does not like products from Apple exactly because of this aspect and how people become passionate users. Using iPhone i forget that its a phone. For me it really is a mini computing device which i carry and on which i can also make phone calls. To me thats the power of design to turn inane everyday people going about their day-to-day life into passionate end-users or consumers as some will say.

On a different note, work is getting along, motivation needs to be generated rather then felt. will see if i can develop iPhone applications, need to sort out company policy and conflict of interest thingy before jumping.

i have to really think about starting a new blog on my tech experiences. this one is not really read by anyone, just my personal diary or random thoughts, feelings and emotions. The other day i was checking out the company developer network and saw the whole community based interaction. I need to get involved in this process, cannot just sit on the fence for long. time to jump in, otherwise i will never write.

I feel sad for Rene Bhawanker, he is smart, modern and a progressive indian. If i dont put down his story, i never will. Rene needs to get alive, otherwise I will just let him die, need to make notes i am forgetting things about him now.

what one wants is not known,
what one gets is so much so,
take it forward and take it far,
make it wonder and yet not roar.
what that it is never to be found,
truth is that life has to go on.
nudge and push is what i need,
serious, yet funny i have to be,
breathe, listen and feel,
jump into the water and let it be.

touched by apple

got our iMac today!

well i must say, it was a smooth setup (read as connect power cable and press the ON button) and it just worked!!! After having read about Apple and Mac for so long, finally i get to experience it.

I have been born to software in Windows, thats how i learnt it. Of course in my B.Tech it was all UNIX but finally when i started working at SAP its always been Windows. So after 9 years of officially working on windows, i decided to buy a home computer. Of course it had to be Apple and IT HAD TO BE iMAC.

So after waiting for 3 weeks for delivery, it arrived on 23rd May Friday morning. Infact i took my day off, just to get warmed up around it.

I also got printer from canon and backup hard-drive/wireless router Time Capsule. Setting all of them except the printer was smooth and great!

gotta go now...will share my first experiences later.






But something really stuck me as odd.

want - need, negation, fun-happiness

the title seem strange, but i had to write down my philosophy which i explained to PD.

I believe in life, there is always wants and needs. Wants are what your heart desires while needs are what your stomach demands. Sounds funny, read on.

Wants are obvious, you can get also with some effort and will give you the best fun ever. I would consider buying the newest gadget or watching the latest movie or shopping the best clothes or job in foreign country as our wants. They are somethings you will normally do, normally desire and strive for. Without them we dont feel happy, we feel irritated, feels as if something is missing in life. Strangely we end up running after them. They also come when time is right but leave us with a sense of a-miss. Sometimes they may even leave us empty, drained, exhausted and wondering. To say it strongly, we are drug-addicts of our wants. Really we are (!!!).

Just a question before we continue, we all feel the need to be appreciated, desired and wanted. Are these wants or needs?

Ok, Need is our inner desire, not obvious, never clear and will give you the happiness and calmness you never had before. It is very difficult to actually figure out what one needs. i for example dont know that yet. May be i need to feel loved or the need to create something that touches people. cant say.

Thats where theory of negation comes in. It helps you get right wants and needs. It can help you decide what you dont really need. It is important to know what you DONOT NEED. i dont need emotional attachments which i cannot handle. i dont need a lot money to make me satisfied. i dont need to be put on a pedestal and worshipped. I dont need to be great but a good human being. i dont need a big TV or a big car or a big house to feel like a king. Is this the difference between sex and love?

Anyways, the true fact of matter is a BALANCE of wants and needs. Dont miss out gaining wants at expense of ones needs and never give up looking for satisfaction of one's needs in attaining one's wants. One has to seek and strike the balance between them, wants are spontaneous while need are thought through. spontaneity is a must while enlightenment helps stay calm. One should not in search for needs, skip through the moments bring wants.

The reason for this balance, the need for BOTH fun and happiness in life.

Wants bring in fun, they are momentary but help one release the energy built up inside. One should make most of them but not loose sight and path. Remember that it is fun, enjoy it while it lasts, wont be for long and will leave you with a sense of unfruitfulness so move on. Move on !!!

Needs bring in happiness which is permanent, long lasting and self fulfilling. Such moments are few and far in between but when they happen one can reflect and feel nice about them for whole of their lives. Happiness will give one sense to rootness and in some ways discover life.
So for now, I AM FREE!!!!

back to where it all started from, this blog. :-)

It is good weather, time to go out and catch the sun till it lasts. Rest life goes on.

May you come, may you go
keep it going all along
keep the focus, yet enjoy
have fun but go on.
Born again, so cry,
Life is a journey, fly, fly, fly!!!!

something have changed...

There was a flutter, and then a movement, deep down. It started with a talk, then another and reflection. yes reflection, something which was lost was found again.

I have written things here which i could not relate anymore. I had become much calm, with a sense of purpose and belonging what i call the rootedness about life. That had come after my "matrix" moment when i was able to hold back and look at my life. I could think and differentiate my "wants" and my "needs". I seeked "happiness" but missed out on "fun". But i still had a sense to calmness inside.

Then it changed, it was not a sudden change. No pushed to the wall moment, no beaten to death event, no crashing of egos and no pain in the heart. It just happened, gradually, slowly and without me even knowing it.

Over years, that calmness had given way to agitation, frustration and a perennial sense of agitation. Nothing seemed right, never being at ease, commotion of emotions, un-surety of the next step and sense of uprootedness.

Today talking to PD, helping him out, touched some nerves, joined some chords and it started coming back. You never know what you have lost till you find it again.

Let me not reflect and try to describe how it came back. I can breathe now...really breathe...and it feels nice!!!!!

It felt as if i had not done that for years...taking a lot of air in and feeling it. you know that feeling of walking on air...thats what i feel now.

Some more metaphor and then close for the day....feels like i had entered the matrix again without knowing it, and now i am un-plugged.

i guess people really (!!!!) come in your life for some reason, at the right moment and at the right time, you just have to see and it make most of it.

Thanks PD for helping me out.

time...

it has been a long time since i posted here. a lot of has happened in my life. The last whole year has been one of the most difficult ones of my life. it has changed me so much that when i read my older blog posts, i cannot recognize them as mine any more.

The situations in life are suppose to make you tougher, but they have taken away some ways my youthful innocence and not sure if made me a more mature person or not. another year comes to end now, i can only hope and pray (yes, i said pray) that it becomes better.

i read a comment from Stallone today, that he feels at 60, he has woken up and realized that he is old and he still has a lot to do and has not done things he wanted. Ok he is a movie star, but even then look at me today, my life is also going past very fast. another year has passed, things are clearer about work but career is still a question, personally it was a tough year and need to build upon relationships.

here in germany i always wonder, people are very lonely and alone. i am also becoming like that. i spent last 2 days in bed not talking to anyone or not doing anything. just surfing and listening to podcasts, daily show with jon stewart, nba and reading blogs. but this has to change...

get serious or keep fooling

my life

Irony of comparing

I found it to be a profound irony that i was feeling let down and left out with respect to people whom i dont or i dont even care.

its an irony that i talk about high impact area, must have area and nice to have area, and then go on to compare or look towards people who are not even concerned where they are and what they are working towards. for them just the fact that they are growing to different levels and being well paid is good enough. i dont know if i have cynical view of the people or have constructed a different reality around myself.

may be its bit of both, have to talk to people and see what they think especially the people whom i think fall into that category. understanding them may be will help me understand myself better. But may be not, how does others think about you had never been the benchmark i was striving towards, then suddenly dont know why i am talking about understanding them. confusion galore @#$@#.

i guess time to just let go of negative emotions and feel good about what one has. offcourse the feeling will be there but being clear of what one seeks is the second step. the first step was when you started thinking. this is a journey, will have its ups and lows, will have its potholes and joyrides, will have its speed brakers and no speed limit zones. Its time to take things with a pinch of salt, and move on.

it is always a beautiful day, no matter what you may think or believe or feel. live with this thought and one would always happy.

World will not change

The thing that was bothering me is clearer now. The world wont change if dont come to office or not work on the ideas i put my heart and soul into. Thats what has been bothering me so much. thats what makes a hell of a difference to me i guess.

"One should strive to be the best in what one does and what work one does should be good by my standards. " Thats been my motto all along.

But i realize that it is incomplete. I have to change it to

"One should work in the core of any organization and then strive to be the best in what one does."

In a company, there are always high impact areas, the must have areas and the nice to have areas. There would potential must have areas that could become high impact in near future because of the people involved or because of the strategy of company. i always believe one should work for oneself and not for the company or organization. While working for oneself, one seeks satisfaction. the satisfaction does come from good work that would be the type of work one thinks is good. But this satisfaction is temporary, its a myth and like a spell. it would only be broken when the work gets done and the world doesnot change.

Thats what has been bothering me for so long, struggle to find what i wanted. Thats what i always wanted deep down but some how never got a chance to be in that position. Its essential to be identify a high impact area of the organization. Ideally it should be an area if it seizes to exist for the company, it impacts the whole organization. Offcourse there would always be must have areas for the company too. these would be future strategies, safe gaurds against a changing economy and possible high impacts of tomorrow. and then there would all those nice to have areas which are good if they give some returns and its still ok if they are not there tomorrow.

i realize now that for me its so very important to be in the core or high impact of the organization. being part of such an area, the effort, mind and soul that goes into work would worth its weight in gold. and satisfaction guarenteed.

the must have area also great areas to work for, they could become core some day. But one has to watch out carefully all the time. If the wind blows a different direction, one has to recognize that and shouldnt look the other way. Instead one should face the wind and move, move forward, move backward but definite move. any movements should be towards the other must have areas or if possible the current high impact area itself.

for me i have been working in nice to have areas or potential must have or to a must have area. Never in an high impact and thats what makes me go through these highs and lows in work.

lets see if things change, i know what to look for now.

Being Emotional

Mood is better, things to work towards are clearer and the pain has been pushed back;
In the back alleys of my mind it must wander for sometime before it can strike again;

Live life for oneself but love some one dear,
it brings a completeness to ones soul not felt before;

time is a great healer and experience a great teacher,
heal, learn but do enjoy as life is a darling and honest dear.

ideas, concepts and problems bring joy around
keep working on them till you let down.

then rise again to move forward as
its in moving on that one lives and
staying on that one dies.

------------------------------------------------

just felt like writing it down as if i am writing a poem.

gotta go, be back soon.

Paradox

i don't know why, since the last time i wrote here my mood has become somber. i get extreme pleasure in working on ideas, and thats how the mood was till 2 days back

then all of a sudden i start wondering about my life and my career and questions like where i am and where i am going start to make me seem out of place and out of order. yeah i know things are not that bad, but dont know something is not right.

i get a feeling that i have been in place for too long, a change would do wonders but then i look at what i have done and i feel i need to learn more and make myself more stronger in fundamentals. i start wondering what i was doing in my initial years of my career. i took the condition of sticking to what i like too early, should have tried more and experimented more, should have changed jobs. Now i am stuck with this shit hole. I know its not good to think like this as any thing and everything starts to feel miserable after that. But if i look around and see people growing (not in my terms of growth) but in terms of organization career and renumerations they get, it pains somewhere deep down. its not jealousy or envy towards them, they are growing and its good for them, but it leaves a feeling of being left out and not being good enough.

i gave a thought about what i want to do, and things seem to be planned out. I just have to be a little bit more patient and keep working and enjoying. As said focus on keeping the wanting and having to be together and one would be happy, but the struggle of being left out hurts.

Emotions take over rational, feelings take over logic, and sadness takes over happiness.

And Life goes on...

Overloaded

Sometimes i get so engrossed in finding solution to a problem that everything else is just not noticed. I had been working on concept paper, where i want to define and explain some ideas that i had. At times i feel, it is easy to think of an idea, but very difficult to put it down on paper to explain to people. Essentially you would have to consider all the possiblities, weigh the pros and cons of the idea, define the process in which the idea would be benefitial. The whole process is quite taxing but having an environment of peers whom you are able to share it and who add value to the whole process tend to make the process a lot less simpler.

Thats what i have been struggling with these days, having to think of all possible angles for the current concept. I guess i have learnt the hard way about being thorough while sharing the concepts. Even though i am able to discuss with R and the process itself is quite invigorating, i still have put it down myself and thats taking quite some toll.

I was heard talking in my sleep last night, though my roommates tell me that its happened before also. I find it really strange that one is able to dream and even talk about things during sleep, yet not recollect any thing on waking up. I still dont what i was dreaming about but its remembrance leaves me mixed emotions.

I am little relaxed today, a breakthrough in thought process itself has helped me look at the concept in different view and hence things seem to be falling into place.

I didnt get time to read H2G2, and weekend is already planned out. I guess monday would be another new week and the process of bringing together of have to and want to will continue.

Having and Wanting

There is always a struggle between things that one has to do and one wants to do. If one manages to get both these objectives aligned in their everyday life, life would definitely be more enjoyable.

I was cursing myself the other day for not being cheerful and happy. Some where the having and wanting were getting apart for past few months. the good part is that i felt the difference before they could have moved away from each other. The effort to bring these two parts together has taken some time. As reflects from the fact that i am back to blogging and reading regularly, and still meeting my deadlines and work schedules. There are still somethings to be sorted out but its working.

I finished reading "The Red Carpet", what invigorated me was the writer's ability to capture snapshot of the people's life thru the short stories. All the stories are based in Bangalore and the sense of belonging towards this city made me nostalgic about my times here. Off course the city has changed from the times i have been here, but the short stories really made me see that side of bangalore that i used to like or still like. The main theme of the most of the stories is the changing face of india especially bangalore. The initial ones are ok, but the two i liked the most of had a similar theme of bond between parents and children even in this new new world if i may call it. First one was about the daughter of an american indian coming back just to find how things have changed, but still valueing her relationship with her dad and how she has the choice, while the second one touched the theme of an america educated daughter coming back only to realize underline connection between her mother and herself. Though none of the stories had a definite ending or for that matter a begining also, they were true to the definition of snapshot into life of the characters.

Some how my collection of books in increasing at a faster pace then my ability to finish reading them. Moreover my mood swings also affect what i read, i started reading "A Farewell to Arms" but then left it mid way, same has happened to "Who says Elephant can't dance". Finally just with the mood i picked up "Hitch Hiker's Guide to Galaxy". I had bought this omnibus quite some time back but as it happens with most of the my books, i could only start reading it now. I definitely found it to be an extremely entertaining book. One of the first things you get to know in this book is why the internet translation tool was named "Babel Fish" cause Babel Fish is actually a fish that goes into ones ear and lives on brainwave radiation from every source but its host. It then excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said. In layman terms it translates any language of the galaxy to the one you would understand. So our hero Arthur Dent gets his babel fish one from his guide, the roving reporter of the H2G2, Ford Prefect.

Since i just started can't say how it may end, but i am hopeful.

Back after a while

its been a long time, some how the routine of my life had caught me with in its web. Though i shouldn't complain for this web that lies around me today, writing my thoughts down had been a fulfilling experience and i missed it.

So i decided to revive my blog, i told it to "rise from ashes" and hold me from the scruff of my neck for being away so long. Initially it behaved like a mistress whom i had forgotten as it tried to wrestle me around asking me to remember the strange code word to our agreement. the code word that granted me the access, that verified me to be rightful owner, and the one that gave a faith to the mistress that i am here to stay.

Where do i begin, its a been an boring to hectic last one year. i let my work affect me so much that couldnt give time to things i loved, reading and blogging. It took a while for me to figure out that life would go on, but one has to enjoy it to make most of it.

i sound philosophical about it but its true. I had done quite a few fictional readings lately, of people and their daily life. Rohingstone Mistry's two books "A Fine Balance" and "Such a long journey" and currently reading "My Farewell to Arms" from Ernest Hemingway and "The Red Carpet" (a book of short stories about people in city of bangalore, dont remember the author right now).

All of these really made me wonder that life will always keep going on, one has to just make the most of it.

Ok time's up, have to rush for a meeting now but will keep visiting this space of mine. It is the non judgemental part of my life, and i better be faithful to it. It would not ask questions but only listen.

the creativity of my thought

I have been reading Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" these days, havent finished it yet but love it like anything. I have been able to relate to the characters so much that it has made me look at what i want and why i want. the character of Hank Rearden makes me see myself in a different light altogether...the passion to produce for him, the importance of his work, and the drive to keep going on thru the thick of things is something i have come to admire...
 
i could see why i am so passionate about my work, why i am not emotional about things, why i want to keep working and creating...he represents me and how i am...not being able to understand what is going on around him...he is recognises that he is missing something...doesnt understand how the world is functioning....i dont know how things with change but till now he has started to see few things...like about the looters wanting to get an appreciation from what they are doing from him...then the category of people who are producers, users and looters....
 
i love my work...i love my thought..thats what keeps me going that what i want to do...keep my thought going via developing solutions...my thought and ideas are the mills producing steel and metal for hank...i seek and get a sense of accomplishment making them work and reach greater heights....that what i work for...i hate to see my potential getting waste...i hate to be idle and not working on something...i dont like if i am not able to work and keep creating...
 
i regard myself as a producer...producer of solutions...pushing myself to create them...i also face the same irony where there isnt people around me who can really regard me or see me like this...they are talk about emotions, vanity, love and respect...i do have that but not for people...
 
i think thats why i love reading such books because i find characters i dont find in real life...whom i can relate to...acknowledge and share their achievements...live my life thru them in some ways...but is real life lead like books...
 
no i guess not, thats what i have to come to terms with...if there are producers there will always be looters...one cannot avoid them, but then dont know how to deal with them...i try to deal with them but i dont know if i will achieve what i seek....one has to find ways to keep them in their place...minimize the damage...i dont know if i will find answers...lets wait to finish the book...
 
 

been busy

havent been able been able to blog for quite some time...actually the things got quite demotivated and work had to be finished...its tough when u dont feel like doing anything and there quite some work to finish and timelines to meet...

anyways, lets get to the interesting part...i manage to attend SAP Summit in Mumbai...it was quite an excellent sales and marketing event..organized very professionally....good to see SAP India puting up such a good show...lots of people attended it...most of the SAP presentations were about selling SAP software, but the most interesting sessions where the customer sessions where they presented their experiences with SAP. They elaborated what were their requirements, why did they chose SAP, how did they go about the implementation, what all they implemented, what all they need to do within the organization to adopt to SAP software, what did they benefit and finally what did they learn.

it was interesting to see them echo something i always believed, businesses need to look at software as an enabler, so they should first be clear on their business objectives and realize that they need to change to adopt to the changing environment. once they do that they can look at software to help them become more versatile, flexible and efficient...but they cant think that buying software would solve all their problems...another interesting aspect was how all of these companies adopted a change management strategies...everyone from private to public sector companies realized the concerns their employees may have and went about in a very employee friendly manner to make them get comfortable with it...success of a software implementation depends a lot on the people who finally are going to use and if they are not convinced about it, company will not benefit. Moreover having policies in place and involvement of senior management only helps to reteriate the commitment of the company towards employees and efficient management....


once back to my real life i had to struggle with pending work...still trying to complete it on time...but still in this i manage to watch an interesting play...some found it ordinary some found it too pseudo...but it made me reflect on one critical aspect...the play was about a guy who is software professional and a girl who is call center executive...how they are going about their daily life...what is their life like...both of them have one common thread...the girl's bf is guy's room mate...the set of the play was simple with just a box made as a sitting...they used video screen in the background to providing the settting for the play...

i could really relate to a lot of incidents in the guy's life...like not seeing ur room mate for days...just talking on phone to him even though staying in the same house...innundated with calls from people selling anything and everything...staying up late in office and being alone on the entire floor...these are some of the things made me reflect on my past...something i hardly do these days...getting back to the play...the twist happens when this guy who is link between the 2 dies....both of the come together and meet...then another twist happens when the guy is without work and girl is fired...so they have nothing to do and only each other go give company...they never had such free time and hence dont know what to do with it...they get more comfortable with each and fall in love...and thats when the play ends...

offcourse i forgot to mention about profanity used during the entire duration of the play, some of the people found that a little too much saying that they dont know if people spoke like that...but then didnt we use these when we were in college and even when we started working...we seem to think when we are little older and things dont happen a particular way but it may exactly they way people talk today...it would have been interesting to get a perspective from someone younger...

its a simple story nothing great...the guy was good...and girl was good looking but ok...but what was good to for me to see some shades of my past inacted infront of me...in one scene the guy is all alone on the whole floor of his office and screams that he wants to be free....thats is a scene that has been with since then...today i am obsessed with my freedom, may be this is because of my past being like that guy depicted...may be thats where this desire for freedom comes from...offcourse this may not be the only reason...but i know atleast one reason for it...

its quite amazing how work influences our personal thoughts and belief...hence more reason to work in a place where u can enjoy and grow positively...i realised another thing today...its more of a question....

"why is that i measure myself with something i am not doing or i am not able to do and not with things i am doing and i am able to do"

is it true for everyone around me? dont know but one has to stay positive its the only way one could stay happy...